*cervix
*uterus
*pee
*poop
*vomit
*diarrhea
*blood
...and probably a lot of other things that haven't even occurred to me yet. If you have an aversion to those things then turn back now.
Sometimes I'll be posting about what I'm wearing, or the cute thing that G-Man did, but other days I'm going to be writing about diaper blowouts and irritated uteruses (uteri?). Today is going to be one of those days.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. That oh so wonderful time when you get to don a paper gown in a cold office, stick your feet into stirrups (not the kind for riding horses) and make awkward conversation while a doctor pokes around in between your legs. Wait... that's not the most wonderful time of the year?? Hmm, yeah, I guess not.
I used to dread these appointments, so much so that I think I avoided actually going to one until I was twenty-two. Bad I know. But, ever since having a baby my sense of humility seems to have gone down considerably. Falling out of my paper gown? Who cares! Chatting while I'm being probed? Not a problem. Doing those things with my one-year-old squirming in his stroller? Not really my idea of fun.
This morning G-Man and I woke up a little late. Knowing that I had about 30 minutes in which to get myself ready, the baby ready and out the door, I jumped out of bed in a panic. I grabbed little G and plopped him onto the changing table and a tantrum immediately ensued. Lately he's had issues with me changing him. Husband can change him 'til the cows come home, but if I do it we have a total meltdown. It's a fight every.single.time. So, as G flopped and flailed all over the table, I did my best to prevent poop from flying across the room, wiped him up, strapped on a new diaper and got him dressed. Next I ran out to the living room and gave him some toys to keep him preoccupied and then ran back to the bedroom to get myself ready. When I returned to the living room I found the sweet little monster sitting in the middle of the floor, gleefully pulling tissues of of their box one at a time and then tossing them aside before grabbing the next. Gah!
After cleaning up the tissues I grabbed my coffee and some food for G and found a way to simultaneously guzzle and shove food into him at the same time. Once we were done with that I made sure the diaper bag was packed. Food for G, snacks, water, diapers, wipes, change of clothes, yep it was all there. We were finally ready. All I had to do was slip my shoes on and we were ready to go. Then, just as I reached for my keys the phone rang. After all of that my appointment had to be pushed back because Dr. M had a surgery go late at the hospital. They said they would call me back later to tell me when to come in. My friend was scheduled to watch G during my appointment but not wanting to leave her hanging I decided to just bring G whenever they wanted me to come in.
Fast forward to my appointment. ***Here comes the unpleasant stuff - yes, more unpleasant than a flying poop visual*** I brought G-Man into the exam room with me. I strapped him into his little umbrella stroller so he would be contained during the exam and then gave him a bunch of snacks. Food always makes him happy. Then, just before Dr. M came in I noticed a smell, a distinct smell... sure enough, poopy diaper number two. There I sat, in a revealing paper gown, with quite the dilemma, crouch down on the floor and attempt to change G (on the yucky floor) before Dr. M came in, or leave him as he was and hope he didn't get too stinky (or rashy). Ultimately I chose the latter scenario. So, in addition to lying there, paper gown failing to cover me while Dr. M chatted and probed away, I got to have the smell of a poopy diaper occasionally waft over me. Dr. M either didn't notice or was too polite to say anything. Probably just too polite.
I'll spare you the details of the actual exam and try to focus more on what we discussed. Unfortunately over the last few months my symptoms from Endometriosis have returned with a vengeance. I was pretty lucky in that my period didn't return until G-Man was 11 months old, but when it did I'm pretty sure my body decided to make up for it by bleeding for six weeks straight. Yes, you read that right, six weeks. Dr. M said that my ultrasound was mostly normal except that my uterine lining was pretty thin. She agreed that not taking the progesterone only pill anymore was probably for the best. Then she started discussing my pain. Her best guess is that I have some scar tissue building back up and that I have increased pain from my tilted uterus. This is where it gets really good. Her suggestion? Have all the babies we are planning on having and the go ahead with a laparoscopic uterine suspension. A what??
Essentially this is what a "normal" uterus looks like vs. what my tilted uterus looks like:
For more information check out this site.
"What is the treatment for a tipped uterus?
If you have a tipped uterus and are experiencing symptoms, your physician may recommend surgery to reposition the uterus. A uterine suspension can typically reduce the pain experienced during intercourse and/or menstruation. This surgical procedure is used to reposition a tipped uterus from its backward facing position to a forward facing position. The UPLIFT procedure is a newer and improved method of performing a uterine suspension. It has been proven to have fewer postoperative complications than other uterine suspension procedures. Uterine repositioning provides lasting pain relief in most cases of painful sex and in some cases of painful menstruation."
The alternative is a hysterectomy. Or I could just live with the pain. I guess we shall see.
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